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By Tracey Cox for MailOnline. It seems that men aren't the only ones with a threesome fantasy. New findings from the Journal of Sex Research found the two of porn that both men and women like watching is threesomes and oral sex.

What really happens during a threesome and why they can go wrong

Threesomes consistently top the 'fantasies I'd most like to take through to reality' list for both sexes. But there's an enormous difference between watching one online and having one in reality. Scroll down for video. Threesomes consistently First time 3 some the 'fantasies I'd most like to take through to reality' list for both sexes but, as Tracey Cox reveals, they're most likely to have negative effects on your relationship long-term.

Of all the fantasies couples choose to act out, inviting another person into your bed is the one most guaranteed to go wrong — and most likely to have negative effects on your relationship long-term. Here, Tracey Cox shares the 12 reasons why she believes threesomes can go horribly wrong. You feel jealous. The obvious, most glaring reason threesomes backfire is that couples who love each other usually have a hard time seeing their partners with someone else.

Most of us are pretty territorial about relationships and our partners and not used to sharing them. No matter how much you've imagined it, you can't really prepare yourself for what it feels like to watch someone else kiss or touch someone you love. Threesomes are awkward.

The fantasy and reality are usually miles apart because things always go a lot smoother in our he than it does in the bed. No-one really knows who's supposed to do what to who or when when you first have a threesome. Polite couples can find it turns into a: 'No, you go', 'No, no, you go'. Meanwhile, the third person's rolling their eyes and examining their nails.

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You both feel self-conscious. Sure, you've made love with your partner before but you've not had them watch you from a distance. And what if the third person thinks that killer ature sex move your partner loves is rubbish? Will they then think you're bad in bed?

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Performance anxiety is common for both men and women — especially if you're not terribly experienced. No one wants to be the one doing all the work. Most of us cast ourselves in the taking role when we imagine a threesome. And get a bit put out when we realise this isn't necessarily the case. He can't rise to the occasion. Men often feel under so pressure to perform with two women and can't get an erection at all.

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His sexual confidence is shattered to smithereens What on earth does he tell the l? Performance anxiety is common for both men and women - especially if you're not terribly experienced. The best way to ensure impotence isn't recurring is to forget about the time he had a one-off problem. Pretty hard to forget about this one!

She seems to like it a little too much. Men often fare worse in threesomes for lots of reasons. Lesbians consistently rate highest for the group most happy with their sex life.

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Watching your wife or girlfriend have more - or more intense orgasms - with a woman than she's ever had with you is another nail in the coffin of sexual confidence. It's not all about you. Sexpert Tracey Cox warns that a threesome can lead to pitfalls in your relationship. In your fantasy, both the men focus on you. That's sort of the point, after all! I had no idea the two men were going to interact as well!

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Even if you can handle it, thoughts of 'is he bi-curious or secretly gay? Three is an odd. There's three of you in the bed, not two or four, so one person will sometimes feel left out — and start getting paranoid.

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Do they fancy the new person more than you? Are they enjoying themselves more with them than they do with you? Is this person better in bed? Is the new person acting like your partner's the best thing in bed since the vibrator? Catch a glimpse of chemistry between the two of them that's missing in your relationship and suddenly it's not half as much fun.

Lots of people are well aware of this and find themselves inhibited for fear of upsetting their partner.

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And if you can't let loose and enjoy yourself, what's the point? You're drunk. Lots of people end up in a threesome drunk or high on drugs; both can work wonders to reduce inhibition. Trouble is your judgement — crucial in situations like this — disappears faster than your clothes. The ability to 'read' your partner — who may be less into it than you are — is fatally flawed.

Sometimes people keep going out of sheer 'politeness' or because they think their partner's enjoying it and might get annoyed if they stop. You both need one eye focused on your partner the entire time — especially if it's your first time — to check they really are fine. If you're seeing six in the bed and having trouble focusing on anything, you're in trouble.

Lots of people end up in a threesome drunk or high on drugs; both can work wonders to reduce inhibition but it can feel sordid when you sober up. Someone gets blamed.

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If the experience wasn't great, someone always gets blamed. Even if you both came up with the idea together which rarely happens, by the wayit's a natural human instinct to want to take it out on someone. This might be you or your partner — either way, not huge fun.

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Trust is broken. Even if you've both agreed to have a threesome, lots of people say the 'trust bond' is broken after it. If the threesome was with someone you know, any future contact could now been seen as a desire for a repeat performance or that your partner's secretly fallen for them and wants to leave you for them. Some people do fall in love with the third party and ditch their partner for them. It doesn't happen often but it does happen, particularly if the person is a friend. You both feel ashamed afterwards.

Lots of people feel guilty, cheap or disgusted with themselves afterwards. Sometimes, those feelings kick in during it: once you've had an orgasm, your mood can very quickly change from sexy to sordid.

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Surely safer to stick to a twosome, which is far more likely to produce a post-coital glow rather than post-coital cringe! For more advice on sorting sex dilemmas, visit traceycox. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. Argos AO. Privacy Policy Feedback. He can't rise to the occasion, she likes it a little too much and everyone feels awkward: What REALLY happens during a threesome and why it will wreck your relationship Threesomes consistently top men and women's fantasies There's a huge difference between watching one online and having one Our sexpert shares 12 reasons why threesomes can go horribly wrong By Tracey Cox for MailOnline Published: BST, 2 December Updated: BST, 2 December e-mail View comments.

Share this article Share. Most watched News videos 'It's like something from W1A! Comments Share what you think. View all.

The beginner's guide to having a kickass threesome

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